In the beginning... there were complaints... and cellphone guy.

Gather'round chitlins' this is the Lock-Blog. This is the first of many posts about... well... whatever the heck I want to type, complain, jabber, and speak my mind about. Actually, this is primarily going to be used as a type of social rule book for all you people out in the world that have never held a job. And by job I mean a real blue collar service industry job. One that everyday you come home with sweat on your brow and complaining about the idiots that you served earlier that day. Yes, I used the word idiot. It is true, and that is why this blog exists. Every person that has never held a job like this YOU SIMPLY DON'T KNOW what goes on behind that other side of that counter. So, that is why I am going to give you a few pointers, suggestions, and rules of engagement. There might... and by might I mean there will be some brutal honesty with my words, mostly from personal experience of course. 

Hum... What's that you say... ah, yes. There will be enough pointers and information to go for a life time, not a mere day or even a few weeks. I have been pondering about this for a long time and have already thought up of at least 20 or more situations of stupid idiotic customers that have down talked, slandered, and personally yelled at my fellow coworkers over trivial matters.  And to my own sadness you foul ingrates are still piling up more reasons for me to write about stupid crap that you commit.

As for a little background so not to remain completely anonymous; and be like every Seattle-ite blogger who hides behind his/her blog like a false sense of security while it reeks out shallow pompousness and passive aggressiveness. Just for a little mystery I am not going to reveal my name just in case a customer or two from where I work should find this. But, as you can tell, K is in my first name and Lock is apart of my last name. I attend University of Washington and work as a Barista at a coffee shop in seattle, a very good one I might add. I am majoring in Ceramics and minoring in Italian. I am fairly easy going and enjoy most things in life, I am aware of how broad that statement is. 

I am not sure where to start because there is much to talk about. So, maybe I will start with the beginning of a purchase interaction... because there are very few occasions that I can recall that a customer walked in and immediately hated him or her without prior interactions to base the feeling off of... well, it isn't completely impossible. So let me start in the line and dealing with the cellphone talker.

Now listen here you rube... Oh, wait, you can't here any of my advise because your on a cellphone. The problem with cellphone talker guy or gal is this; these people have decided to ignore the whole world and leave their social discretion at the door. And in doing so, you have already lost most of the respect of the workers behind the counter. Yes, this happens at service industry places: if you do something really wrong we will serve you half-hearted and poorly. The first of this persons faux pas starts with the talking. This person is now deeming the phone call more important than whatever else is going on around him. At a busy coffee shop most places have expediters, which are people to take food, snack orders, or take your beverage orders even before you get to the register to help shorten your wait... how thoughtful right. 

When cellphone dude reaches said point in the shop he is now purposefully ignoring us, the workers. This annoys the shit out of us! We have to get their attention by interrupting the convo. It they are an asshole or prick customer they actually get angry and at you for this, but is rare. Also cellphone guy takes longer because he is trying to manage a small mental Olympics in his head and rambles on with a few aaaauugggghhhhh... uuuuhhhhhhmmmmm... and then a few "hold on a sec...ok," in my opinion it should be legal to shoot him at this point, or throw him to the lions, but the law is the law and this isn't Rome. He might toggle back and forth, take his time to try and get the nine modifiers right on his friends latte... that is going to taste like liquid shit by the time it is handed to him. But, back to the point. As you can see the time is already mounting on this single customer and it will pander out a bit longer to make sure we know he has no possible chance of getting through his transaction in a reasonable amount of time. To make this whole event even more invigorating for the worker we have to ask you questions, such as " would you like that for here or to go," or "hot or iced," or "can I have a name for that order," and " do you need your receipt?" All these questions now seem as if I am bothering him. Cellphone guy also usually forgets one thing, especially at the most inopportune moments... usually when the register drawer closes and the transaction is final. Something like "did I say soy (getting away with coffee robbery) with that?" or "wait, did I say decaf... to go... iced.... non-fat....(just plain annoying as all hell)." making the next five or so minutes of my life miserable while I have to explain a million things to the the bar man or the next customer why it took so long with that last one. 

Now, to boot, and this is a gross generalization, I am not sure why, but cellphone guy sucks at tipping. Maybe it's because he is lost in cellphone walk-talk-order-take-a-crap-wipe-drive-and-shake-hands-land, while on his phone or his head is so far up his ass that he just plum forgot... I'm hedging on the latter.

 As you can see, the evidence of how annoying cellphone guy can be is mounting against him by way of a giant stack of complaints from the baristas/service folk. Simply put, and I am going to say this often: this douche of a guy makes us do more work... for less in return. 

To sum up my first attempt at quantifying how the public shits on it's service workers, I hope that you see we the service industry deal with YOUR crap... that YOU... PUT ON US... and that's why you tip us; for being choosey and ridiculous. Cell phone guy takes a long time, you make us feel bad for interrupting your call, you don't tip, and you forget pertinent information at the worst time. So how do we fix this mistake? 

Here are some simple steps. 1. As you enter the coffee shop think outside of your self... and this maybe very hard for you uptight Seattle-ites that want everything your way. 2. Simply put your phone on silent or if already in a conversation politely ask the person to call you back later. By doing this every persons experience in the whole coffee shop is enhanced... especially the workers. 3. Never approach the counter or bar ordering for someone on the phone... just don't do it... never. Case in point, my coffee shop used to have a sign warning cellphone talkers that they would be ignored until they put down their phones. We, the baristas, could simply move on to the next person in line without any guilt... I miss my sign if you can't tell already. 

That's enough for number one. please send me your thoughts or comments of what you think. If you are cellphone guy fess up and tell the truth to help your fellow baristas help you better and more efficiently.

-Klock