An economic low?... Oh no!

Living in Seattle is an interesting experience when I am a 23 year old single Christian republican. Because this city runs it's self in a weird manner. Seattle loves being liberal... liberal as all hell actually. They love big government to rule over them as if it was a feudal lord and they were common surfs. Apparently because the barbarians to the north are too much to handle if they were independent city states, so they need the kings protection, but really, way deep down in their liberal hearts all they dream of is to be taxed out of reasonable and affordable living. 

In this crazy state of living here, Seattle-ites are very opinionated about the way things aught to be run. And amongst the myriad of things I can mention, Seattle-ites love to be scared that the world is going to end at a moments notice, in all sorts of ways. The most popular these days is the economic slow down. It starts with news companies getting money by advertisements and ratings where both affect the other. So, when the news companies have nothing to report they over dramatize the market and scare the public into economic downfall. If you read stats on the market over all we are still up in the past few years.  

What did that brief economic prelude have to do with anything? It has to do with coffee of course. Every night on the news in Seattle for some odd reason the latte has become the new economic health-o-meter. Phrases such as ' give up your latte a day', 'afford your latte everyday', 'the five dollar cup of coffee',  and 'the latte effect'... ect.  This effects us as baristas how? You complaining to us... again. And at what level do you complain at us? At, in, to, and or around our general face vicinity. I find it very interesting when people come into my shop and try to do a social nouveau bartering system. It is quite amusing to me actually. They use an obvious language of extreme politeness and courtesy rarely seen and since it is just that, I know it's all a show to try and haggle down the price of their drink. Another tactic is the customer tries and acts like he or she is a regular or my personal friend. Sorry buddy I've been jaded by this industry way too long to fall for either of those gimmicks. I can see through your ruse, pay your 4.15 and get the heck out! Authentic generosity from customers is so rare that it radiates from them with angelic glow or as a shining light from heaven like if the roof of my shop opened up and it beamed upon you. 

People try and get around prices by saying phrases like ' light steamed soy on top,' this also goes for 'light chocolate' in americanos. But, when they see a milk charge on the register screen they throw a hissy. 'but, so-and-so doesn't charge me in the morning,' or 'I've never been charged for this before.' The plain, simple, and obvious fact is you are drink modification haggling or D.M.H. (referenced a few sentences back). All the baristas know who frequents their shops so don't try and scathe by on a whim in this situation. Don't try and get the best of us to cheapen your experience so you can feel good about yourself and your financial state by saving 32 cents everyday on a drink that sucks. If the barista is smart they will rebuttal politely and explain that the amount of effort your are demanding of the shop, demands you pay for said desire. Let the barista and only the barista give out undeserved free-bees, comps. and or random acts of not charging. They have the power, you don't. Deal with it!

If you continue to push and shove verbally and tonally we will do what any sensible barista would do... charge you an exorbitant amount for what you ordered. You might be jumping out of your chair at this point in outrage saying to yourself, 'for years I might have been hoodwinked or bamboozled out of like a hundred dollars in unknown latte fees.' Yes, this could be the case... if you are an ass. If you are not, most likely you are paying a lot less than expected. Let me explain the general consensus of this whole idea. If you are snooty and everyday you come in with a foul mood and order a large cappuccino extra dry from us and we politely attempt to steer you towards a better drink and you won't budge, we will add on at least one milk charge to your drink... I would put two because it literally takes two to three times the amount of milk steamed horribly and improperly to get what you want. So, if you are ordering that and not getting charged an arm or a leg at my shop you must be one heck of a nice fellow or tipping well. 

This principle goes for things like extra and or heavy syrups; the barista has the option to double charge when needed. Same as 'I want light yadda-yadda on my mocha'... we can charge you just for a little bit if you are not treating us well. There are many many modifiers this applies to, like the number of shots; we can either give that fourth shot free or charge you for it. Basically if you show us a long record of unkindness and not treating us like humans we will make it more expensive and so on and on the circle will continue, until we see some attitude change.

All of this gripping to say I find it completely amusing when I hear the phrase 'the five dollar cup of coffee' either in public or on the television. The reason for my internal chuckle is: It simply does not need to be this way. First off, the customer decides how much he wants to pay. Yes, the industry sets its prices, but you are not just paying for coffee but the farmers, the pickers, the millers, the dryers, the cuppers, the exporters, the importers, coffee shipping and trading organizations, overhead for cafes (building, lights, rent, and wi-fi), employees, employee training, and all the while trying to make profit. So, convenience comes at a premium, but there is an answer to all this coffee hoopla, and it almost always starts with the traditional drinks on all coffee menus. They range within 25 to 50 cents from each shop in any given city. These are espresso shots, macchiatos, italianos, cappuccinos, and americanos. Plain lattes and mochas straight up might qualify as well. But, If you the customer, start lambasting away at the modifiers like a fat girl in a Baskin Robins by making your mocha (already charged 50 cents additional for the chocolate sauce) 16 oz, vanilla, extra shot, and soy you might have a  drink at 5.50. You might need to give us some collateral for this thing... or put it on layaway. (Look up Good Willhunting hamburger scene in the car with Ben Affleck, funny stuff.) Milk and syrups are about 50 cents per modifier. If you ordered Soy and Vanilla, that is an extra 50 cents to a dollar, plus ten cents for tax. If you ordered a drink with 16oz. shops charge you for the extra milk AND the extra shot that comes with the size, you can reverse the order of those last two mods if you are surprised by either one of them ... I want to make sure my emphases still applies if only a single modifier freaked the crap out of you. 

The point of this whole thing is to show how ridiculous coffee culture has become. When were the days when the public didn't always get their way, but was handed something from a professional that knows more than them... and they took it without complaints. I very much dislike the day and age we are in for the service industry. It is true we wouldn't exist with out our customers, but the customers are not the educated ones in our field. We know the subtle nuances of our trade and I feel like I never get to suggest any good or new information to the customer because it would be some social offense to them because their drink is too tied up into their own ego, persona, and or identity. Seriously people become very defensive over their coffee drink. So much so, that I have almost stop trying to suggest anything anymore unless they expressly ask me for something new. 

There is a wide world of coffee out there and it mostly purtains to going back to the basics.