Quality vs. quantity a moral, ethical, or personal dilemma?

Quality verse quantity. Is it quality or quantity? Is it quality and quantity? Is one better than the other? Are we the people only able to receive one or the other spanning all areas of life? Or, can we take our proverbial cake and eat it to?... meaning can we have the best of both worlds, pertaining to high quality and high paced efficiency? As with most of these random subjects this one is near and dear to my heart. I enjoy talking about, theorizing, and philosophizing all things pertaining to quality. I think it is somewhere deeply rooted in my blood stream... right near the plasma. I am an artist too. And hopefully, like all artists, we are concerned with matters of how something is perceived and comes across to another... or is considered by others is what I am really trying to get at here. But, with art, quality has so many different meanings depending on many types of variables. Such as in the art world; medium, style, color, sculpture, conceptual, realistic and so forth. But with food and beverage I would say most comes down to taste. Yes, let us camp there... taste hhmmm-aaahhhhhh. There maybe a few other elements such as presentation or ambiance, but for now taste is king in the land of the men with tongues... and retro-nasal capacities.

As with all things blog you get an opinion... my opinion. But not to worry though, I feel as if my opinion is fair and based on sound observations, also being able to see what others are saying to me, as to be open and ready for change when needed. So, what does this quality verse quantity thing come down to in the cafe world... and dining world for that matter. Well, there are many facets and implications as per usual. Here we go!

My observations here in Seattle I have noticed just two categories when it comes to restaurants, cafes, and food places. Either the establishment is pumping food out to customers very quickly and not concerned with what they are handing off to be consumed, or they are focused around the quality of what they put out to their customers and are not as concerned when it comes down to the 'how long it takes to get said item to said customer' part. Each of these two fields has ins-and-outs, good and bad, or pluses and minuses. And to go along with that I also have a theory as to why, at least why Seattle culture is picking quantity over quality. And, yes they are picking quantity.

When it comes to quantity, which is what most establishments are doing these days in America, it is a fairly simple ordeal. Start up companies and restaurants get a chef to make A-typical food with an aesthetic of some sort to deliver said items to it's customers. It is easier, less time consuming, and revenue usually rolls right in. What these places are doing is rolling with or jumping on a sort of capitolistic momentum that another company or restaurant has already created and serves up another version of what somebody else is already doing. It might look different and smell a little different, but at it's crux it is the same. Some places to mention are Red Robin, Dave and Busters, The Ram, Jillians, Starbucks, Tullys, Macdonalds, Burger King, Arbys, Carl Jr., Sonic, Safeway, QFC, Olive Garden, Dominos, Pizza Hut, Papa Johns, Taco Bell, and Taco Time. And for Coffee the list is quite worse i.e. Duncan Donuts, Yuban, Folgers, Nescafe, Cafe Appasionato, Fonte, Tonys Coffee, Cafe vita, Seattles Best, Rococo, Ladro and some that arn't bad but not completely magnificent are Lighthouse, Umbria, Herkermer, Cafe Allegro, Cafe Vivace, Victrola, and D'arte. The list can go forever in this country. With in this list, some more than others really are just focused on market share and trying to beat out the competitor (Not to mention I am quite aware that when companies compete, the consumer usually benefits... I do consider this a good thing). But within all these places honestly quality is not considered (the food establishments and the first part of the cafe list for sure). It is a regurgitated A-typical aesthetic that flaunts it's marketing more than its food. Not that I have any personal beef with Dominos, but they, too me, out of all the places on that list bastardize what they serve. If you ever happen to look at the way pizza was invented and how it is supposed to be served and then look at Dominos, it is a far cry from Pizza at all. I have seen the Philly-Cheesesteak Pizza, Hamburger Pizza, Chicken Bacon Ranch, and so on and so forth the company goes trying to invent a new thing to put on top bread, marinara sauce (And sometimes you don't even get marinara), and cheese. They give no concern with how it actually tastes, just how it is going to sell. This is very sad to me personally because if anyone has ever looked into human potential the mark is quite high, and always rising. Think about the last time you went to one of the listed establishments and then think of... wow, we as humans have come this far.... all this way and endless salad and bread sticks is the best they have come up with... really? I don't know about you, but that rings a tuning fork of disappointment in my ears... really corporate america... that's what you are giving me? (I do have one exception to this list, the Whiskey River Burger and Rookie Magic Milk Shake at Red Robin are pretty darn good, but if they have to have a down fall for the sake of my point this burger is still A-typical in flavor and the shake is way way way too sugary)

So my question to America is where is the quality? and why are we, they, us, them not pursuing it? Why? Why? Why? I would like to know... really bad. But, before I answer that question here is what the quality model looks like. Cafes, restaurants, and establishments that focus on quality go a little something like this. Usually the place is smaller is size. Smaller in square footage, seats, tables, servers and what have you. It is just smaller. More intimate of a feel. Why is that one might ask? It is because quality takes time. Yes... time. More time that is... than what most quantity places are willing to put in to receive better results. Quality places can only go so fast because more care and time are almost always needed to facilitate high quality (remember in this blog that is almost the same as good tasting) Their turn overs in house are smaller and slower, and sometimes profits arn't that high. But the goal, the trade-off, and hope is to reach what I call the untouchables, or the tipping point. This means the food that is served is so good, so memorable, and so freaking delicious that every person that eats it tells everyone they know and the word of mouth compounds because your quality is so high and far more superior than your competition that you are the best and people choose you first over everyone else because of your quality. And if anyone should reach these culinary plateaus you have it made for a very long time. Examples are Paseo, Salumi, Molly Moons Ice Cream, Canlis, Zoka, Stumptown, Zig Zag Cafe, Herb Farm, Cafe Vivace (The masses have chose this Vivace, but I am not quite sold on how their coffee tastes), and apparently the Baguette (never been myself). Paseo, Salumi, and Molly Moons, I have personally seen at least lines up to 50ft. long, and wait times of 45 min. The question is how do these places get people to stand for that long next to people they don't want to be around for that long? And to boot the goal of every Starbucks interaction is 3 min. In and out in 3 min. These places must be doing something right if they can prove the status quo wrong. Ahhhh, the harmonious and beautiful answer is... quality. That's right you all new it was coming... quality. Their recipes are honed from long time tested experimentation and people that now their crap when it comes to taste. It keeps people coming back for more again and again and again because it is like the meth of the food world. The thing is, one might ask, wow this all sounds like peaches and creme for everyone when quality is brought into the equation; owners get money and long returning customers, and the customers in return receive great quality... gee-whiz, why doesn't everyone run their establishments this way? Gee-whiz indeed my friends. The problem is quality comes with it's pit falls too. This is where I will answer my question from the top; why is no one striving after quality?

Well, it's because quality is grueling, and it takes freaking tons upon tons of hard learning and work to create businesses that run this way. Time honored recipes of greatness never arrive out of thin air my friends. They are forged in the crock pot of genius over long periods of culinary time before one pops out. Another point is inconvenience. Americans in general have really really really............ did I really already?... yes, I did............ really shitty attention spans and want everything NNNNNNOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!! and in MMMMMMMYYYYYYYY WWWWAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!. I apologize for how stupid that last part was written but I had to drive this point home. With quality style establishments sometimes because quality involves small batches and time they tend to run out of options more often... they can only make so much of an amazing thing at one time and once it is gone it is gone for that day. And not everyone wants to wait for good things, they really need something now! And they really don't care what goes in where and how it tastes... just something is enough for now. This doesn't bode well with current culture. Me as the individual is god and I want it now my way. With quality places most of what customers are receiving is not based on them, but a genius invention that is being presented and needs to be presented a certain way; unblemished and undefiled from modifications from the educated. For some odd reason people get offended when they can't change something to their liking. Whatever happened to trusting the freaking cook... barista... chef... somolier... bartender... server... and not pouting when the professional that has been rigorously trained in said profession says we would rather not have you... or sorry to inconvenience you but... we can't serve it that way. HEY AMERICA, YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING... IN FACT YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT WHEN IT COMES TO FOOD, TAKE THE PROFESSIONALS ADVICE AND EAT YOUR FOOD... LATTE... WHATEVER AND SHUT UP!

That is why quality doesn't work in America every person and nit-whit has to have their say and has to have it faster... done this way... done that way... which in essence is asking... can you not try as hard please and could you please make this taste worse next time I come. Yes, I know that sounds retarded but that is what the masses are asking for these days. Ok I'm all out on this subject, peace.

-KLock

An economic low?... Oh no!

Living in Seattle is an interesting experience when I am a 23 year old single Christian republican. Because this city runs it's self in a weird manner. Seattle loves being liberal... liberal as all hell actually. They love big government to rule over them as if it was a feudal lord and they were common surfs. Apparently because the barbarians to the north are too much to handle if they were independent city states, so they need the kings protection, but really, way deep down in their liberal hearts all they dream of is to be taxed out of reasonable and affordable living. 

In this crazy state of living here, Seattle-ites are very opinionated about the way things aught to be run. And amongst the myriad of things I can mention, Seattle-ites love to be scared that the world is going to end at a moments notice, in all sorts of ways. The most popular these days is the economic slow down. It starts with news companies getting money by advertisements and ratings where both affect the other. So, when the news companies have nothing to report they over dramatize the market and scare the public into economic downfall. If you read stats on the market over all we are still up in the past few years.  

What did that brief economic prelude have to do with anything? It has to do with coffee of course. Every night on the news in Seattle for some odd reason the latte has become the new economic health-o-meter. Phrases such as ' give up your latte a day', 'afford your latte everyday', 'the five dollar cup of coffee',  and 'the latte effect'... ect.  This effects us as baristas how? You complaining to us... again. And at what level do you complain at us? At, in, to, and or around our general face vicinity. I find it very interesting when people come into my shop and try to do a social nouveau bartering system. It is quite amusing to me actually. They use an obvious language of extreme politeness and courtesy rarely seen and since it is just that, I know it's all a show to try and haggle down the price of their drink. Another tactic is the customer tries and acts like he or she is a regular or my personal friend. Sorry buddy I've been jaded by this industry way too long to fall for either of those gimmicks. I can see through your ruse, pay your 4.15 and get the heck out! Authentic generosity from customers is so rare that it radiates from them with angelic glow or as a shining light from heaven like if the roof of my shop opened up and it beamed upon you. 

People try and get around prices by saying phrases like ' light steamed soy on top,' this also goes for 'light chocolate' in americanos. But, when they see a milk charge on the register screen they throw a hissy. 'but, so-and-so doesn't charge me in the morning,' or 'I've never been charged for this before.' The plain, simple, and obvious fact is you are drink modification haggling or D.M.H. (referenced a few sentences back). All the baristas know who frequents their shops so don't try and scathe by on a whim in this situation. Don't try and get the best of us to cheapen your experience so you can feel good about yourself and your financial state by saving 32 cents everyday on a drink that sucks. If the barista is smart they will rebuttal politely and explain that the amount of effort your are demanding of the shop, demands you pay for said desire. Let the barista and only the barista give out undeserved free-bees, comps. and or random acts of not charging. They have the power, you don't. Deal with it!

If you continue to push and shove verbally and tonally we will do what any sensible barista would do... charge you an exorbitant amount for what you ordered. You might be jumping out of your chair at this point in outrage saying to yourself, 'for years I might have been hoodwinked or bamboozled out of like a hundred dollars in unknown latte fees.' Yes, this could be the case... if you are an ass. If you are not, most likely you are paying a lot less than expected. Let me explain the general consensus of this whole idea. If you are snooty and everyday you come in with a foul mood and order a large cappuccino extra dry from us and we politely attempt to steer you towards a better drink and you won't budge, we will add on at least one milk charge to your drink... I would put two because it literally takes two to three times the amount of milk steamed horribly and improperly to get what you want. So, if you are ordering that and not getting charged an arm or a leg at my shop you must be one heck of a nice fellow or tipping well. 

This principle goes for things like extra and or heavy syrups; the barista has the option to double charge when needed. Same as 'I want light yadda-yadda on my mocha'... we can charge you just for a little bit if you are not treating us well. There are many many modifiers this applies to, like the number of shots; we can either give that fourth shot free or charge you for it. Basically if you show us a long record of unkindness and not treating us like humans we will make it more expensive and so on and on the circle will continue, until we see some attitude change.

All of this gripping to say I find it completely amusing when I hear the phrase 'the five dollar cup of coffee' either in public or on the television. The reason for my internal chuckle is: It simply does not need to be this way. First off, the customer decides how much he wants to pay. Yes, the industry sets its prices, but you are not just paying for coffee but the farmers, the pickers, the millers, the dryers, the cuppers, the exporters, the importers, coffee shipping and trading organizations, overhead for cafes (building, lights, rent, and wi-fi), employees, employee training, and all the while trying to make profit. So, convenience comes at a premium, but there is an answer to all this coffee hoopla, and it almost always starts with the traditional drinks on all coffee menus. They range within 25 to 50 cents from each shop in any given city. These are espresso shots, macchiatos, italianos, cappuccinos, and americanos. Plain lattes and mochas straight up might qualify as well. But, If you the customer, start lambasting away at the modifiers like a fat girl in a Baskin Robins by making your mocha (already charged 50 cents additional for the chocolate sauce) 16 oz, vanilla, extra shot, and soy you might have a  drink at 5.50. You might need to give us some collateral for this thing... or put it on layaway. (Look up Good Willhunting hamburger scene in the car with Ben Affleck, funny stuff.) Milk and syrups are about 50 cents per modifier. If you ordered Soy and Vanilla, that is an extra 50 cents to a dollar, plus ten cents for tax. If you ordered a drink with 16oz. shops charge you for the extra milk AND the extra shot that comes with the size, you can reverse the order of those last two mods if you are surprised by either one of them ... I want to make sure my emphases still applies if only a single modifier freaked the crap out of you. 

The point of this whole thing is to show how ridiculous coffee culture has become. When were the days when the public didn't always get their way, but was handed something from a professional that knows more than them... and they took it without complaints. I very much dislike the day and age we are in for the service industry. It is true we wouldn't exist with out our customers, but the customers are not the educated ones in our field. We know the subtle nuances of our trade and I feel like I never get to suggest any good or new information to the customer because it would be some social offense to them because their drink is too tied up into their own ego, persona, and or identity. Seriously people become very defensive over their coffee drink. So much so, that I have almost stop trying to suggest anything anymore unless they expressly ask me for something new. 

There is a wide world of coffee out there and it mostly purtains to going back to the basics.

Round two....FIGHT!

 Welcome back socially savvy service industry fans. With todays subject I wanted to put off for a later date because I think it holds a lot weight and it's point might be woven into many other subjects that I am going to write about in the future. But, since it is so paramount, I think it must be made known early so that people who are, might, and actually read this might heed my advice and do it. Another reason I wanted to wait is, to build some headway with my writing to see what the general reaction was to it. And, like all good movies(in my opinion) have a great build up. And one can't have a great build up without previous sustenance. If I had like five or ten posts under my belt I hoped it might have created a better sense of my words credibility. But, who cares it's time to go for it!

The lesson today kids is respect... and I ain't talkin' bout no Auretha Franklin song neither. I hate that song by the way, mostly because it gets any 50 to 60 something aging baby boomer hipster mom into a wild jive of mom jeans and evil hip gyrations. Somethings aught naught to be thought about. In the words of George from Seinfeld "Sweet fancy Moses." (Elaine Dances at a party... look it up) Ok, back to my point.

The paragon of customer mistakes happens when entering a food service location is as follows. Just because we are in a service industry job does not mean I am YOUR servant. And I am going to quote Bob Hoskins from Maid in Manhattan on this one "And although we serve them, we are not their servants," (Mr. Hoskins is in other notable films such as Balto, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Enemy at the gates, Garfield 2: A tail of Two Kitties, and who could forget... Hook.)

Yes, good'ol Lionel (Character name in Maid in Manhattan) said it right... hey we aren't your personal bitches behind the counter... did you know that? Crazy, I know... what a novel idea... that people; like baristas, bartenders, and servers are... like, just the same as other people. We have thoughts, emotions, feelings, and all the rest that makes people... well, human. 

And as I hope you can tell by the tone of my writing, that this is one of my biggest gripes about my job is the disrespect of my coworkers and me. Service industry folk take on your problems which you think are transcribed as requests, but only about 30 to 40% of the time is it ever translated to us in such a fashion. We the worker, take YOUR problems on behalf of the company we work for. So, when Joe Lame-ass down talks the bar person for not giving him his coffee in a ceramic cup on accident or we ran out of ceramic cups, a problem occurs. You see, this situation would be totally fine if said bar man was a machine and not a human being. An analogy would best illuminate my point. 

Say you work at the GMC factory line for welding a certain part to the body of the car. Your job is to monitor the machines doing all the work because the line is full-automated these days. And every once in a long while the machine in sector 5 quadrant AB vector .25  called jbqtx3.5468G9 isn't doing it's job correctly. So your job is to stop the line and re-calibrate it manually. But, you are frustrated today because your kids kept you up last night and you don't notice it at first but you are going to take out your anger on said machine, which you have named Johnny 5 for the past year or so. Now, on the floor instead of removing the converter cables, checking the spark rod, and repositioning the hydrolic actuating arm... you take a crowbar and hit his thick steel casing to let Johnny 5 know you mean business this time while no one is looking. After to this brief venting of metal on metal you leave and don't fix the problem. You go back to your monitoring room with a still broken Johnny 5, a not so properly working factory line, and some immediate rage relief. All is said and done... So on to my next point. Wait, I was just kidding. Let me explain this gross analogy before your head explodes from confusion.

My example would be all fine and dandy if this were true. But, since it is an analogy I must equate it to something like my job/life. You, the customer are the worker in the GMC factory. We the baristas are Johnny 5, the machine. The crowbar is the way you decided to handle a small foul up we committed. And what's left, is the normal protocol you forgot to do in the first place. See, had you done the normal procedure (which equals being patient and nice even when asking for things) everything would have been fixed, but you left the whole line in shambles from blunt force trauma. 

In a cafe you are not talking or dealing with robots in any shape or form. You are dealing with walking talking humans, and I am not sure why the public thinks the former. If you treat us like said GMC man in my example: his way was a crow bar, and your veritable crowbar is your words. With that method you are doing no one any favors what so ever. You see, people react to situations... robots and machines do not( The real Johnny 5 in the movie Short Circuit actually does react to stimuli). And this is where in lies the problem. You, the jackass customer, in a myriad of ways down talk, slander, disrespect, yell, complain, bitch, moan, whine, demean, and finely make us look stupid because, O.M.G. how could you forget that my 2 and half shot, one decaf, rice and soy mixed(called roy), 185 degree, no foam, 4 splenda, cinnamon on top, light on the chocolate, light on the whip, light on the sugar almond....Mocha was double cupped when there are only like 15 other people in line and your rush has only been going on for like 2 hours anyways and, like, only 5 other people are in front of me...jeeze hurry up... right?... Wrong you ass.

 That may sound  ridiculous, but people actually are so caught up in there world of drinks and serve-me attitude most of them forget we are also humans and I think we deserve a little bit more understanding from the general public. Especially from customers that have never worked in a food service job and even more especially to people who are EXTREMELY choosy that have never been a barista and have no idea what they are asking from us. Here are a few situations that I often see in my store and a few suggestions on how not to do it ever again. Wait, I only have one piece of advice for all these problems so I will hold it until the end for a big finally. 

Dude/dudet #1: You ordered for here cup... we gave you to go cup. Oh no, :( what to do... wait... that's it, I am going to get Mr. Barista's attention and say "Um, I ordered a ceramic cup... what is this...? "I mean how could you mess that up...?" "I just can't deal with this right now." I have heard all of these statements more or less in my shop at me, one statement is verbatim. This is over a simple cup misplacement. In fact, this happens every shift at least once, but I expect about five on average. 

Dude/Dudet #2:  You walked into our shop and wanted every thing right NOW!... we made you wait. So you make sure by the time you left we did everything wrong, asked at least three or four times about your stuff, and pout on the way out. This applies to the register line and drink line.

Dude/dudet #3: You are a non tipping regular... we are disrespected by you. I am going to right up a whole post just for this offense, but it needs to be made known, you are a bad person, straight up.

Dude/Dudet #4: You ordered an item and wanted (blankety blank) way... we gave it to you done to our best discretion and it is never good enough. You suck because every persons I like it crispy, dry, wet, hot, warm, tepid, and luke warm meter is totally subjective and we do our best to give it to you as you say based upon good and bad feedback, but you slander us with  definitive arrogance that you poses the soul knowledge of the perfectly toasted bagel, dry capp., and or latte. Oooooohhhhhh, my explanation is not coming quick enough because I really hate that guy right now. Next!

Dude/dudet #5: You are a jaded, bitter, and old jackass through and through... we hate you, with a burning passion. No effort, even compared to the last guy will suffice your appetite for anger and unruliness. There is no answer or method for dealing with you, just prayer and hope you die before you comeback tomorrow. Our hate for you is as absolute as your un-satisfaction with us.

To the good part. What do all these jerks have in common and why is there only one way to fix it. Because most of what is going wrong is intentions, mentalities, and most of all tone of voice so my answer resides within a principle. Principle: A general framework of an event, way of doing, and schema, which specifics can fit into and most of all can be interchanged with in said framework with similar out comes. The principle is: All these people need to chill out. Seriously, that's it. One thing I tell my friends constantly is if I ever own a coffee shop a giant sign shall reside over my menus and chalkboards that reads... IT'S JUST COFFEE.  There is no reason why any human needs to be blamed, yelled at, scorned, or shamed in front of others if they honestly tried their best or even tried. Most people that make these mistakes don't take into account just how long we have been working and how hard we have been working. All for a whopping just over minimum wage compensation. Or maybe... even possibly... we had a bad day, a friend died or parent, boyfriend or girl friend broke up with us, it's been a four hour rush and haven't looked up in the same amount of time, customers are snooty today, service industry blues, jaded towards everyone opposite side of the counter, or I am new and this job is way too fast paced. 

Once again you the customers have more responsibility than you think and need to be of others even in the most unlikely of places. This post goes out to all the people who treat us with respect and decency at my coffee shop, you make my day worth working. Tony rocks! 

Klock

In the beginning... there were complaints... and cellphone guy.

Gather'round chitlins' this is the Lock-Blog. This is the first of many posts about... well... whatever the heck I want to type, complain, jabber, and speak my mind about. Actually, this is primarily going to be used as a type of social rule book for all you people out in the world that have never held a job. And by job I mean a real blue collar service industry job. One that everyday you come home with sweat on your brow and complaining about the idiots that you served earlier that day. Yes, I used the word idiot. It is true, and that is why this blog exists. Every person that has never held a job like this YOU SIMPLY DON'T KNOW what goes on behind that other side of that counter. So, that is why I am going to give you a few pointers, suggestions, and rules of engagement. There might... and by might I mean there will be some brutal honesty with my words, mostly from personal experience of course. 

Hum... What's that you say... ah, yes. There will be enough pointers and information to go for a life time, not a mere day or even a few weeks. I have been pondering about this for a long time and have already thought up of at least 20 or more situations of stupid idiotic customers that have down talked, slandered, and personally yelled at my fellow coworkers over trivial matters.  And to my own sadness you foul ingrates are still piling up more reasons for me to write about stupid crap that you commit.

As for a little background so not to remain completely anonymous; and be like every Seattle-ite blogger who hides behind his/her blog like a false sense of security while it reeks out shallow pompousness and passive aggressiveness. Just for a little mystery I am not going to reveal my name just in case a customer or two from where I work should find this. But, as you can tell, K is in my first name and Lock is apart of my last name. I attend University of Washington and work as a Barista at a coffee shop in seattle, a very good one I might add. I am majoring in Ceramics and minoring in Italian. I am fairly easy going and enjoy most things in life, I am aware of how broad that statement is. 

I am not sure where to start because there is much to talk about. So, maybe I will start with the beginning of a purchase interaction... because there are very few occasions that I can recall that a customer walked in and immediately hated him or her without prior interactions to base the feeling off of... well, it isn't completely impossible. So let me start in the line and dealing with the cellphone talker.

Now listen here you rube... Oh, wait, you can't here any of my advise because your on a cellphone. The problem with cellphone talker guy or gal is this; these people have decided to ignore the whole world and leave their social discretion at the door. And in doing so, you have already lost most of the respect of the workers behind the counter. Yes, this happens at service industry places: if you do something really wrong we will serve you half-hearted and poorly. The first of this persons faux pas starts with the talking. This person is now deeming the phone call more important than whatever else is going on around him. At a busy coffee shop most places have expediters, which are people to take food, snack orders, or take your beverage orders even before you get to the register to help shorten your wait... how thoughtful right. 

When cellphone dude reaches said point in the shop he is now purposefully ignoring us, the workers. This annoys the shit out of us! We have to get their attention by interrupting the convo. It they are an asshole or prick customer they actually get angry and at you for this, but is rare. Also cellphone guy takes longer because he is trying to manage a small mental Olympics in his head and rambles on with a few aaaauugggghhhhh... uuuuhhhhhhmmmmm... and then a few "hold on a sec...ok," in my opinion it should be legal to shoot him at this point, or throw him to the lions, but the law is the law and this isn't Rome. He might toggle back and forth, take his time to try and get the nine modifiers right on his friends latte... that is going to taste like liquid shit by the time it is handed to him. But, back to the point. As you can see the time is already mounting on this single customer and it will pander out a bit longer to make sure we know he has no possible chance of getting through his transaction in a reasonable amount of time. To make this whole event even more invigorating for the worker we have to ask you questions, such as " would you like that for here or to go," or "hot or iced," or "can I have a name for that order," and " do you need your receipt?" All these questions now seem as if I am bothering him. Cellphone guy also usually forgets one thing, especially at the most inopportune moments... usually when the register drawer closes and the transaction is final. Something like "did I say soy (getting away with coffee robbery) with that?" or "wait, did I say decaf... to go... iced.... non-fat....(just plain annoying as all hell)." making the next five or so minutes of my life miserable while I have to explain a million things to the the bar man or the next customer why it took so long with that last one. 

Now, to boot, and this is a gross generalization, I am not sure why, but cellphone guy sucks at tipping. Maybe it's because he is lost in cellphone walk-talk-order-take-a-crap-wipe-drive-and-shake-hands-land, while on his phone or his head is so far up his ass that he just plum forgot... I'm hedging on the latter.

 As you can see, the evidence of how annoying cellphone guy can be is mounting against him by way of a giant stack of complaints from the baristas/service folk. Simply put, and I am going to say this often: this douche of a guy makes us do more work... for less in return. 

To sum up my first attempt at quantifying how the public shits on it's service workers, I hope that you see we the service industry deal with YOUR crap... that YOU... PUT ON US... and that's why you tip us; for being choosey and ridiculous. Cell phone guy takes a long time, you make us feel bad for interrupting your call, you don't tip, and you forget pertinent information at the worst time. So how do we fix this mistake? 

Here are some simple steps. 1. As you enter the coffee shop think outside of your self... and this maybe very hard for you uptight Seattle-ites that want everything your way. 2. Simply put your phone on silent or if already in a conversation politely ask the person to call you back later. By doing this every persons experience in the whole coffee shop is enhanced... especially the workers. 3. Never approach the counter or bar ordering for someone on the phone... just don't do it... never. Case in point, my coffee shop used to have a sign warning cellphone talkers that they would be ignored until they put down their phones. We, the baristas, could simply move on to the next person in line without any guilt... I miss my sign if you can't tell already. 

That's enough for number one. please send me your thoughts or comments of what you think. If you are cellphone guy fess up and tell the truth to help your fellow baristas help you better and more efficiently.

-Klock